Surrender

My heart is filled with thoughts of the week. Its after midnight, and I need to be asleep..but I need to sit and reflect on what's happened this week. The pages of what I have known as normal life have turned quickly. So quickly, its hard to catch a breath. I feel like all week, Ive been telling God, "Father, I want and desperately need to sit and talk with you for hours about all these things on my heart...but when, Lord? You know every waking moment. We have so much to talk about, and you know every moment in my day. When, Lord? Each day is packed full of important work...making a living...moving...studying and finishing finals...getting financials ready for nursing school...going to work full time...doing fundraisers for the mission trips...And all I want is to hear your voice. The moving in my heart and soul that says, "Child, Im here." The complete peace and rest deep down in my bones which only the Father can bring.

This week has brought the following things...and God has worked mighty in every single one of these pages of this chapter....

Last week, I failed a math test miserably!! I was so disgusted with myself. I could only complete two pages of the test. I turned the rest of the test in completely blank. My roommate says I cry HARD over only two things: LOST SOULS and MATH. This night was no different. My nursing school is contingent upon passing this Algebra class. Well, after this last test...I came to the realization that maybe God had given this blessing to take it away---And I needed to be at peace with this. I surrendered it all again. I sometimes forget I told God it was ALL His; And I take it back.

Then, my Algebra final was coming up. I had to make a C on the test to get the grade I needed. AHH, The pressure was on. I got a team of people praying on this matter. God planted wisdom and peace in my mind the whole test. I knew for ONCE exactly how to answer the problems. I don't yet have my grade, but feel confident in a good score. The next school I will see is NURSING SCHOOL in July! Woo-hoo! First miracle...

Second blessing (mixed blessing/burden): I went to see an international doctor to get medications for the upcoming trips to Thailand and Laos. My insurance didn't pay, and I had to fork over a whopping $139 just for the office visit. If you know me, you know Ive given up everything for these trips and DON'T have anything else to give financially. Ha. This chunk of funds was almost heartbreaking to hand over. The receptionist took the funds and dropped them in a cash drawer without any care in the world. I think I would have felt better if she would have gently separated the $100 bill, the $20 bill, $10 bill, the $5 bill, and the $4 ones...like she cared how hard I worked for those funds! hehe. The doctor prescribed over 7 medications I may need to use there. I haven't bought them yet. Im still trying to figure out if I which would be worse: diarehha and vomiting from parasite food and jungle viruses or use my last paycheck to get the meds and have no money for nursing school tuition, gas, and car payments?!? I still praying about this..literally!

Then today at work: I work with the most amazing people. We work at a local bank which I won't mention but you can see the news clipings soon....

Most banks have lost capital due to all the dang forclosures. Bank profit and loss isn't hidden from the public.

Im known at work for predicting people's actions and thoughts pretty well. I know, Im weird.
Here's the story:
Today, Im sitting in the bank and an fellow colleague comes in and out of the office. Pretty normal, right. I had a feeling it was gonna shut down. Sure enough, 10 minutes later, we get word, "Its over." Yes. The company was bought out; I lost all my 401K cause it was in bank stock--which was supposed to be in my account when I left in 8 days for Thailand. It was my nursing school tuition I MUST have by June 10th. It was also my car payments, insurance payments, cell phone bills: as I won't have a job until after July. But, its all gone. Yes, all of it. Strangely enough, Im at total peace. I know God has called and WILL provide. I told God weeks ago, "If you have to close the bank to teach someone about you or get glory, close it." He did. And I praise Him. He is so mighty and soverign NO MATTER the circumstances. Our office was filled with peace. Unbelievable peace. We know WHO'S in charge and its NEVER really a CEO or CFO. Let's pray many hearts will come to trust God in this situation. Also pray God will start moving scholarship committess or sponsors on my behalf! Im leaving the country in 8 days--and will NOT even have time to do anything else financial for school. Its all gone....Im without; yet I have everything. And I will continue to just praise the one who CAN give and take away. He is Holy.
And there is no other god I desire.

Mission Trip News:
Today, in a few hours, I will set up a fundraiser in front of Walmart in Siloam Springs and ask shoppers for donations until 7p.m. (I secretely despise this type of solicitation so badly in my soul....err..but I will do it anyway in hopes of getting to these people in need.) I need $2200 for the mission trips by May 17th!!! PLEASE PRAY BIG! This is my LAST fundraiser. The last group was only able to raise $300 at this same location. I need God to move big time. There are souls in need of the gospel in SE Asia--in jungle villages--and Im called to go to them. Im humbly thankful and very excited as well about this calling. I will be staying in the remote, remote indigenous villages soon.. (On my 25th birthday, in fact!) I will be sleeping on a mat on the jungle floor (and I don't even like to go outside in my own neighborhood at night time. Its the woods/subdivisions with electricity..so this trip is only GOD)--and have to have money to get there. I need this today. Please pray. Please pray on the behalf of those in need of medical care and spiritual hope. (More on the jungle tomorrow--There is MUCH more to share!)

I started this blog, because I wanted to keep friends in family in the loop with all God is doing. I shared WAY too many thoughts in this one blog. Although, my heart feels good now to have shared completely ALMOST every thought. Im sure you're as exhausted as me. :)

Amber :)
Psalms 139

Im leaving on a jet plane....

Flowers of SE Asia

In 12 days! Southeast Asia, here I come.


There is no way for me to even try to hid my excitement at all here....I am humbled to be a broken vessel through which God can pour His love through. I am thrilled to go do medical mission work again. When Im out serving people, my soul feels completely satisfied. Every ounce of my deep heart felt compassion is able to be used for the glory of God...And nothing else makes me this refreshed and whole. In less than two weeks, I will be getting on a plane with a great medical team. We will travel to a place I call 'my home away from home'. All the compassion deep in my soul can be shown for the glory of God when I get to help the doctors and nurses serve the indigenous villages. I adore serving these people. I adore the fact the children of jungle villages share merely one toy....and are happy to share the one toy....

The last time I was in a village, the children made a toy car out of a medicine bottle. They carved little wheels from wood and attached a string to the toy car. They took turns running with the string in hand along the red dirt ground. This was the only toy in the whole village. This village had about 300 residents; at least 50 were children.

You would think... 50 children+1 toy=complete disaster! Im embarassed to see how much they share....My mom would tell you the truth about me... I would have been in constant trouble for not sharing! I would have ran as fast as I could with the toy as soon as I got it.

I love how even the adults desire the smallest of things, like a smiley face sticker. Most of them try to eat the stickers. :) Scratch and sniff stickers just do not make sense to them...Why does something smell so good, but isn't edible?? It's very foriegn to these sweet people. Life is joyous there without the extra thrills like scratch and sniff stickers! Amazing.

I adore when people come to know God. In southeast asia, there are many idols and shrines... idols that have ears that can't hear, eyes that can't see, etc...It reminds me of Psalms 115..read it tonight! After bowing down to worship idols their whole life, and some even making blood sacrifices, and living in fear of evil spirits...they finally hear and then come to know a God who made the ultimate sacrifice. A God above all gods. The God of Heaven who sent His only son, Jesus, to die on the cross...that we may glorify Him. How humbling it is for a Holy God to desire a relationship with sinners. And how glorious the love of Christ.

In just 12 days.... In just 12 days.... The journey begins...

I want to run home and pack my bags...but I must be patient...I have to stay up almost all night tonight to study for finals (hmm..pray for me, please!)....But after finals on Thursday...I will delight in packing my bags!

TGIF!

I don't know if I have ever been so ready for a weekend!

Tonight, Im going to the movies to see "Made of Honor" with some great girls.

Tomorrow I will be heading home to see this sweet face and my family too, of course. This is little Madea. Yes, Madea. Like one of the many Tyler Perry roles from the movie "Diary of a Mad Black Woman". Since she was dark 'skinned', my roommate and I wanted to name her after one of our favorite black women of all time! We made a list...Really, it's true. We made a detailed list.

1. Rudy from the Cosby show was in 2nd place. We just couldn't pass up the awful name of Madea. So, the full name is Madea Rudy. We usually ended up just calling her 'little dog' or 'ahhh, you peed on the floor again, dog!".

I bought her about two years ago. When school began, my mother's wishes to keep this pup came true. My mom says she is just keeping this little rascal for me while Im in school....I don't actually think I could separate them now. I've never seen such a pair! Madea now has a better life than me...she has no commands to follow...and she gets whatever her heart desires. What a life!

New Life

Spring is here. Its time for new life. Little yellow flowers are blooming. The grass is turning green. The skies are baby blue. The breeze is almost whimsical. Trees line the streets with purple and pink and white blossoms. Is there anything more beautiful and refreshing?

God is bringing forth new beauty. He is doing the same in my life. Beautiful plans, refreshing provisions, a peace beyond understanding....

The seasons of the upcoming year will bring many new things as God reveals His perfect plan.

Over the last four years of my life, Ive been all over the world experiencing God's heart for people. From Nicaragua to Southeast Asia to Haiti...the wonders are endless. My heart has become greatly compassionate for the people of SE Asia. Then on the opposite side of the world, in Haiti, I've been deeply impacted by the shocking poverty of the people. Through these experiences, I have realized my undeniable calling to help those in need through medicine. I applied for nursing school...and only by pure miracles...I got in! Im uprooting my life to follow this calling. I leave my job on May 15th. Head to SE Asia on the 18th to work along the Mekong River giving medical care. Then I head to Haiti to give medical care in the mountains. Oh, what a season God has in store. I hope you will join me on this journey...it will be full of adventure!!